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Death of a parent is easier than divorce for some children- Sylvia Adams

- said all struggling marriages should seek help, including counseling
According to Lay Preacher and Educator Mrs Sylvia Adams, all struggling marriages should seek help and counseling. Photo: Youtube
The next episode of Real Talk with Karia J. Christopher is expected to be aired today Tuesday, January 24, 2017 from 7:00 P.M. and will be rebroadcasted on Thursday. Photo: Facebook
The next episode of Real Talk with Karia J. Christopher is expected to be aired today Tuesday, January 24, 2017 from 7:00 P.M. and will be rebroadcasted on Thursday. Photo: Facebook
ROAD TOWN, Tortola, VI- Children are said to be so affected by the divorce of their parents, one local Educator and Lay Preacher believes that for too many, the death of that parent would be an easier loss to deal with.

Mrs Sylvia “Teacher Sylvie” Adams who has been both a Lay Preacher and Teacher for many years, was the 5th guest of Karia J. Christopher’s talk show Real Talk -Virgin Islands 10 most Influential and Inspiring women for 2016 aired on CBN Channel 51 on January 17, 2017.

Mrs Adams was responding to a question posed by Mrs Christopher about just what is the recipe for her long-standing marriage and her thoughts on the high divorce rates in the territory.

Pray for each other

“It makes me very, very sad, because of young people especially, they are full of hope when they get married, and then marriages do not last,” she said. “But I find that recipe: My husband and I every morning, we pray together; we pray one for another. So pray together, the couple that prays together, stays together. And then the bible says do not let the sun go down on your wrath; if you and your husband have a disagreement, do not go to bed angry.”

Mrs Christopher questioned whether a couple who are in an unhappy marriage should remain together.

“I believe if you are unhappy, especially if you have a young family, it spreads to the children and then you make everybody unhappy. So do you believe you should stay and pray for five more years and to see if it work? Than leave and then you become good friends, not married?

Teacher Sylvie said she believes that if you are praying together, God will fix it. That God will help you, she argued, saying that she believes marriages can grow cold.

Revisit the scenes of the crime

“I believe you grow apart but if you work with counselors, prayer and so on they have ways to help you fix it. If you purpose in your heart that you want to be together when you find yourself drifting apart go back to where you first begun. Revisit the scenes of the crimes so to speak and walk through it and pray about it. It is so easy to walk away, and when you walk away the relationship is broken, the children are the pieces. And then they blame themselves,” she stated.

Death easier than divorce

According to Mrs Adams, she had the occasion to speak to a young man recently and his parents are not married and it is his heart’s desire for his mother and his father to get-together and to get married.

“He has high hopes, they are longing for this togetherness. So if you are married and you are struggling, fight for the marriage, think about when you began, think about the children and the pain. For them, if the parent dies, it is easier for them than divorce. If the parents are dead they are not there anymore, but if the parents are divorced, and they seeing daddy or mommy with somebody else, that is so painful for them!”

Mrs Christopher then asked when does the parents get to be happy, saying that what she understood from Mrs Adams is to sacrifice happiness for the children but that makes one a sulky parent.

“I believe you are struggling in a marriage, trying to make it work, you are unhappy, he is unhappy, we are in this bed, his head is down, your head is up, we don’t communicate but we are doing this because we have children?”

In response, Mrs Adams said all struggling marriages should seek help and counseling.

But Mrs Christopher pointed out that men don’t like going to counseling and while she believes in the union being forever, there are certain circumstances and situations where the marriage is so volatile it doesn’t make any sense to stay together.

The solution, Mrs Adams proposed, was this: “you can agree to separate for a while but don’t divorce and try to work through it.”

The next episode of Real Talk is expected to be aired today Tuesday, January 24, 2017 from 7:00 P.M. and will be rebroadcast on Thursday.

22 Responses to “Death of a parent is easier than divorce for some children- Sylvia Adams”

  • huh (24/01/2017, 10:06) Like (26) Dislike (10) Reply
    Now this is the stuuuupidest thing I ever . Death better than Divorce?
    • Guest (24/01/2017, 10:33) Like (14) Dislike (0) Reply
      Some will say anything to stay in a lifeless loveless marriage though I'm not referring to the esteemed lady's marriage.
      • cay (24/01/2017, 19:08) Like (0) Dislike (0) Reply
        Political correctness has bred a whole generation of jelly-brained politicians in the BVI
    • nonsense (24/01/2017, 15:17) Like (15) Dislike (3) Reply
      She did NOT say that! She said to a child a divorce may be worst than one of their parents dying, which is a BIG DIFFERENCE! If a child loses a parent of course it hurts but time will heal. Divorce on the other hand, both parents are still living but apart, something which a child will have to deal with directly time and time again. She is not saying death is worst than divorce, she is talking about the impact of either on a child and she is right.
  • ccc (24/01/2017, 10:23) Like (14) Dislike (1) Reply
    This was a low point in the show
  • Common sense>book sense (24/01/2017, 10:37) Like (15) Dislike (0) Reply
    Wha kinda sh!t is this??? My mother passed away and it still hurts to this day it would never bother me if my parents had a divorce in this way
  • Jay (24/01/2017, 11:52) Like (11) Dislike (7) Reply
    This woman got to be missing a few screws. Death easier than divorce, like really?
  • WWW (24/01/2017, 12:18) Like (46) Dislike (4) Reply
    There is such an ignorant spirit in this place. It is thick and it is drowning the territory. My gosh. All the wealth can't save the people from small-mindedness. And common sense is not so common after all. The woman quantified her statement - for those of you intelligent enough to understand what that means. She said "...for some." Because we are ALL different and we ALL grieve differently and for different things. And there are some who would celebrate the death of a parent rather than mourn it because they lived such a good life, which may have included sticking it out with mommy or daddy and there is a marriage that went down in history as 'successful.' Not because it was perfect, or because they always loved each other, but because they made it to the end. We have become comfortable with divorce. With adultery. With sleeping around and with shacking up so her words sound foreign. But that is the difference between a woman of God and a man or woman of the secular world.
    Thank you, Minister Adams. God bless you and yours.
    • On Point (24/01/2017, 13:59) Like (8) Dislike (3) Reply
      Great words. I applaud you for this post. Some folks just need to learn to understand. My gosh!! At the ranting and raving.
    • Sigh* (24/01/2017, 15:32) Like (2) Dislike (6) Reply
      An eloquent attempt to validate the medieval religious ramblings (of an otherwise lovely human being). How about this perspective....Religion professes that this life isn't all its cracked up to be, but there's another life after this one where all good believers go. For someone heavily indoctrinated into this drivel, Ii may not strike them as if in death they've lost a love one forever, thereby lessening the emphasis of their loss. Now on the other hand, this religious brain perceives divorce as the devils works, a divorced woman not being able to make it into heaven. Now that registers on high on their "OhshitOmeter" such that divorce resonates deeper than actual death.
  • child (24/01/2017, 13:02) Like (7) Dislike (4) Reply
    Just my peice. I beleive the learnt lady knows what she is saying.@www you tried to explain it me simple-mind or say I have no common sense all you want. Would you prefer to die than get a divorce? I will prefer my parents to get a divorce any day than one of them to die. At least I can visit one or the other alive than in the cemetry where they cant see me. That is just my opinion.
  • work (24/01/2017, 13:15) Like (8) Dislike (5) Reply
    What she is saying its the truth. Im with her 100 percent. People you all got to understand, god say till death in a marriage But death of a person must come,,divorce god hates. Children hate to see their parents apart, they beleive they should be together forever. Mrs Adams i with you all the way.
  • Opinion (24/01/2017, 13:40) Like (1) Dislike (0) Reply
    These people only voice their opinions from their belief system,sometimes it so crazy of them to voice opinions from an Opinion show.
  • think (24/01/2017, 13:47) Like (5) Dislike (1) Reply
    I do understand what she said but kids do get older get married or leave and you are still stuck in a lifeless marriage it can't work because kids can feel tension in the house.
  • @ child (24/01/2017, 15:19) Like (2) Dislike (1) Reply
    You're obviously not a child so your take on this will be different. I read it and I think she means child as in up to 10 years old (my opinion and understanding). She was trying to prove a point about the impact divorce has on kids and saying there are cases where a child may cope better with losing a parent than with them being divorce, what's so hard in that to comprehend?
  • .............. (24/01/2017, 15:47) Like (5) Dislike (2) Reply
    @ WWW. You won't believe how disappointed I was when I started reading the comments to this article. These people are a sick bunch and never read anything from a holistic point of view. They come on these news site with one intent and that is to be negative. They nitpick at every little detail. This woman taught me in school and is a preacher at Methodist Church. She is one of the most pleasant and genuine people that I know. She was sharing her views on marriage and how traumatizing it can be for children and this is the response she's given (except you and one or two others? Man these people are a sick sick bunch. No wonder our society is going to hell.
  • confused (24/01/2017, 20:43) Like (0) Dislike (0) Reply
    i thought death was easy.
  • ingrid (25/01/2017, 13:43) Like (0) Dislike (0) Reply
    too much wig and over dressing
  • Teacher (25/01/2017, 18:37) Like (1) Dislike (0) Reply
    It is clear that many people have not read or listened to Mrs Adams. But from my experience children that loose parents tend to be very pleasant, they are hurting that is true however students act up more after a divorce or parental separation. It is a strange phenomenon but Sylvia is truly on point and her years as an educator, minister and principal has opened her eyes to what many may think is absurd.
    • I hear you but........ (26/01/2017, 09:06) Like (1) Dislike (0) Reply
      While I understand what you are saying, I think the issue that many children struggle with is not the divorce per say, but the child's perception of the matter...oftentimes they perceive that one of the parent is choosing to leaving them, rather than the parents leaving each other. I have found though, that the effects of that feeling of abandonment is often mitigated by talking with the child and ensuring that both parent still play an ACTIVE role in the child's life.

      My parents divorced when I was young and while it was not something I preferred, both parents committed to playing a role in raising me...I never acted out or anything in any major way. Afterwards, my mother died and I have to say the death of a parent does not come close to the emotions or damage done after she left. Rather that looking at divorce itself as the culprit, I would examine the way children are handled after the fact as the real problem...

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