How can VIslanders prevent ‘immigrants’ from 'stealing' other half?!
This was the view of professional counsellor Dr Cindy M. George when she appeared on the CBN Channel 51 tv programme with host pastor Claude Skelton-Cline on February 18, 2013.
It was said that it was a reality in the Virgin Islands society that other females especially of different cultures are coming into the Territory and “taking the men and husbands.”
Dr George reasoned that to address this issue, one has to examine "locals and relationships" and that wives and girlfriends especially need to recognise the needs and the wants of their partners.
According to Dr George, locals may be taking for granted the wholeness of what relationships stand for and may be a root cause for their partners feeling the need to “go out”.
“Sometimes we have to recognise roles in relationships cover so many different things. When we talk about needs we talk about the friendship need....that would be communicating, speaking to that individual on a level whereby you are hearing me, I had a bad day, give me that ear, and give me that support.”
Dr George then referred to the “intimate piece” which she said may be taboo but it’s a reality. “Sexuality and sex is a very important factor in relationships....and so that is another component. How are the needs of these individuals being met sexually....and sometimes I think what happens because our needs may not be met sexually or even emotionally that’s when the relationships become vulnerable to other persons coming in, because then if the relationships aren’t vulnerable there is no problem, there is no worry as the terminology is, immigrant females to bridge that relationship. So I think those are the key things that we as BVIslanders we really need to look at and sustaining the emotional piece, the friendship, the intimate piece,” Dr George said.
How does different cultures affect relationships?
“Different cultures come in with different ideas about what is sexually pleasing...and people are curious, they want to know and again we are human beings and we have a sexual side. And so they bring these things in and if we locals are not recognising the changes that are happening within our individuals...,” Dr George opined
She noted that women especially have to be receptive and knowing of their partners’ needs and willing to fulfil them as “your role as a wife.”
“Recognise the needs of your partners and have that dialogue basically because you wouldn’t know unless you talk about it. You wouldn’t know unless you become vulnerable and begin to share with each other what is important and what is significant...you feel your partner’s straying, staying out late or receiving text messages or getting calls, what do you do? Communicate about it, see what’s going on,” she added.
Dr George cautioned against competing with the outside partner since she said that could be a recipe for further disaster in relationships. She said the focus on strengthening the relationship should between the two committed individuals.
“It is not about competing...I think a lot of times we get caught up in the other person and I think that sometimes we focus so much on that we lose sight of what is really important, we lose sight of our spouse, our relationship and building and sustaining it.”
Not one person can fulfil all of your needs
A clear message to persons in relationships or intending to be is that one cannot expect their partner to fulfil all their needs. This is something, Dr George revealed, she always tells her friends and clients.
“It’s just not possible but what we have to recognise is that when we commit ourselves, whether it be marriage or in a committed relationship we have to recognise first of all is that not that one person can fulfil everything but we make a decision to work it with that person.”
Dr George said the notion that one person can meet all the needs of an individual is one of the reasons that someone may feel they need to go elsewhere to get the satisfaction they feel they need.
Mr Cline suggested that persons needs also change over time. Dr George said persons needs also change based on their life changes, based on where they are in their life as an individual “because where you are in your life as an individual contributes to where you are in that relationship.”
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57 Responses to “How can VIslanders prevent ‘immigrants’ from 'stealing' other half?!”
In the case of these immigrant women, these relationships bear more resemblance to prostitute and customer than to husband and wife. As a counselor and a doctor at that, you should recognize this.
HYGIENE, hygiene and more hygiene. Lack of proper dress. Refusing to work out causing improper body structure. Long line brassieres and heavy girdles. Looking three times your age, etc, etc!
I said it years ago. Instead I was mocked and ridiculed. Now the fallout has begun.
DOC, you've got your work cut out for you! Good Luck!!
HAHA Ausar you cracking me up. Don't forget some of them still wearing 'slips' under their skirt. That sH1t makes me want to puke. And these big stretch out bingo bag drawers looking like Hefty make them. Man don't like long-sleeve panty. We want our woman sexy all the time. You got to keep the kitchen hot, keep the fire going. Some of the non-nationals do what they got to do to survive who can blame them? It got man in the BVI as they see these girls for the first time especially in the bars, they don't even say hello or 'hola' or 'what a gwan'. They let their wallet talk for them and that sets a bad precedent. Married women your men are in the bars looking eyecandy that's all. Take care of them at home, rub them down, surprise them, put on a lil sexy thing to bed at night, put on some nice fragrances. Nobody like smelling vicks, bayrum and alcholado when they have a hard on and looking lil bit. come on man.
Life and Relationship is something no one can understand
it's people like you who cause corruption, segregation and hatred amongst mankind. Shallow thinking and finding someone blame. If your toilet clogs up, are you going to blame it on the expats? If your partner didn't have sex with you last night....oh sure he must have been with a woman in my class, an expat. So yes natrually blame the expats. I am a woman, an expat. How dare you come to this conclusion? Yes, it's our choice to build a life in the BVI. Does that mean that we have to put up with nasty thinking and remarks like yours? You need to turn in that piece of paper that makes you doc. It's a waste of time and you have proven so with this article. Good luck lady. You'll need it if you continue like this.