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High cost of living forcing women to remain in abusive relationships- FSN Director

- Dr Sylvia M. Simmonds said Society should not be quick to judge women who seek help @ FSN
Director of Family Support Network (FSN) Dr Sylvia M. Simmonds said some women are forced to stay in abusive relationships due to the high cost of living in the Virgin Islands. Photo: VINO/File
Family Support Network (FSN) provides counselling and food assistance to persons affected by Domestic Violence and those in need of certain assistance. Photo: VINO/File
Family Support Network (FSN) provides counselling and food assistance to persons affected by Domestic Violence and those in need of certain assistance. Photo: VINO/File
ROAD TOWN, Tortola, VI- Director of the Family Support Network Dr Sylvia M. Simmonds says society should not judge and come to conclusions when the organisation assists women who are rocking fancy hairdos and nails.

Dr Simmonds, in an interview with Virgin Islands News Online recently, said the notion that women only want money from their children fathers and are lazy is farthest from the truth.

She said education on the real issue is crucial, while the high cost of living, is a contributing factor to one of the reasons why some women who earn so little choose to remain in relationships where domestic violence exist.

“One of the things that we need to do is to continue to give more information to the public about Domestic violence and stop saying that women are just wilful, or just being spiteful or lazy, or they don’t want to work, or women just want his money; it’s not about that,” she said.

Food going to ‘Down Island’ people unfair?

Another area Dr Simmonds pointed out was that many perceive that expats who are from “Down Island” with fancy fonts should not receive food.

“We get hit quite often when we feed people. They tell us our food is going for Down Island people and they feel that that’s not fair and we shouldn’t be giving food to Down Islanders who have a nice fancy hairdo, and nice nails,” she stated. “I might have a nice fancy hairdo and nice nails, one you don’t know where I get it. You don’t know if a friend felt sorry for me and decided to treat me to a day at the spa. You don’t know, you see is my children that come to the office, you see I come to the office… she looks nice but you don’t know the situation she is living in, we don’t know that. They say we shouldn’t give to women who look a certain way.”

A number of women hurting 

The FSN Director said there are a number of people, including grandparents, who are hurting when it comes to providing food, particularly those who do not get child maintenance on a regular basis, which is the case and has to take care of themselves and their children.

“We need to educate them and say what Domestic Violence is and to stop blame the victim for trying to get help for their kids and if they have to swallow their pride and say I need the help stop labeling them as being lazy women. These women are suffering like crazy and really want to do what’s best for their kids,” she argued.

Similarly, she mentioned, there are women whose husbands have gone to jail for not paying child maintenance, some of whom have government jobs who are not able to feed their families.

Cost of living & rent should be regulated

Dr Simmonds noted that the FSN is only addressing a minute part of the problem and society must open their eyes and see that there is a problem, which is hinged on having a better economy, and the cost of housing and food need to be regulated.

According to Dr Simmonds, there are cases where some people are paid under $3 an hour and have to work every day with no day off when the basic pay was supposed to have gone up to $6. When some complain to the Labour Department, because of who the owners are, nothing is being done.

“Unless we regulate food, cost of housing, cost of living is a factor here and also wages, we are going to be in trouble,” she warned.

When asked if she too shares the view that was recently expressed, that expats who do not pay child maintenance should go home, Dr Simmonds disagreed.

“Why would you send them home? What message are you telling them? Send them home and they are definitely not going to get no payment,” she pointed out.

She also had a possible solution to the problem.

“If their child maintenance hasn’t been paid, then the driver's license cannot be renewed and they get stopped without a driver’s license they are fined. They need to guard his paychecks, send it to an office, saying John Smith has not paid child support and there is a court order saying $300 out of his cheque, and when he gets his money he gets the balance of it but at least his kids get,” Dr Simmonds said.

17 Responses to “High cost of living forcing women to remain in abusive relationships- FSN Director”

  • 123 (16/01/2017, 08:26) Like (4) Dislike (0) Reply
    so sad
  • All for one. (16/01/2017, 08:27) Like (10) Dislike (2) Reply
    I agree with Dr. Simmonds 150%.
    • NICK (16/01/2017, 11:34) Like (6) Dislike (2) Reply
      The dislike button here does not work, but hair and nails are expensive, and not a necessity. Stop condoning wrong! Get those ladies the help they need, which are ways to manage their finances.

      • please (16/01/2017, 12:52) Like (3) Dislike (1) Reply
        But like she said, you don't necessarily know where or how they are getting it. A lot of people have friends in the hair business that do their hair for free, a lot of people who have big hairstyles do their hair themselves, like she said sometimes people will treat their friends etc etc.

        So yes, a lot of people need to learn how to manage their finances but don't just look at people and make assumptions.
  • ALSO (16/01/2017, 08:42) Like (5) Dislike (2) Reply
    it making some ah dem tek man
  • Men need help too. (16/01/2017, 08:51) Like (9) Dislike (2) Reply
    What about the men who needs help too. what about men who are left raising kids alone because thr mother runs off eith another man or decides she doesnt want to be a mother or wife anymore. i agree wih mdr simmonds, but she's very bias to men. everyhig is woman this woman that. Men struggle just the same!! and they dont need fancy hair do's or nails for sociaety to say hey dont need help. THEY JUST HAVE TO BE A MEN!!
  • no nonsense (16/01/2017, 08:51) Like (11) Dislike (2) Reply
    I no longer donate to FSN because noone seems to want to take responsibility for anything. I believe that there are families in genuine need; however, they are not the ones receiving the assistance. Instead of FSN putting controls in place to prevent abuse, they make excuses for the abusers. And there needs to be a counseling component to help the clients make better decision, i.e., less hairdo's and gel nails and more saving and sensible spending.

    As someone who gives to FSN, I feel used. FSN, do a better job of distributing people's donations to the really needy. Yes, cost of living is high, all the more need to spend wisely and make the necessary sacrafices like we all do to make it.
  • mother hen (16/01/2017, 09:11) Like (1) Dislike (4) Reply
    What is the government doing? The fsn grant has not changed in 6 years
    • @mother hen (16/01/2017, 10:04) Like (9) Dislike (2) Reply
      People need to make good decisions and live within their means. Don't wait on Government.
  • :) (16/01/2017, 09:48) Like (5) Dislike (0) Reply
    ” she stated. “I might have a nice fancy hairdo and nice nails, one you don’t know where I get it. You don’t know if a friend felt sorry for me and decided to treat me to a day at the spa. .... For this statement as a single mother and if am struggling and my home is in need of food i would tell that friend give me the cash i will purchase food out of it instead going and sit in a salon and doll up myself and my kids hungry.. ..

    Regarding the child support payment. I Personally feel whether it is government or if it a private business place the magistrate need to reach out to all the men and ladies whom are paying for child support bosses and have the money be deducted from ah man check whether all one time or split but by the first of each month it be directed to the magistrate... Just saying
  • Susie (16/01/2017, 10:03) Like (6) Dislike (2) Reply
    Before you regulate rent, you need to regulate the contractors who charge ridiculous money to build. Next you need to regulate the high interest rates the bank charges. Then you need to regulate the realtors who charge to get tennants (sometimes no good ones who spend two months and leave their bills behind) for the landlords. You also need to regulate the prices of concrete, and other building supplies. When you done regulate all of the above, I agree regulate rent.

    You all like to count how much money people nake in rental but you never count the cost to get up their buildings, not to mention the bloody head aches along the way .

    I know some landlords who catch hell, even with market rates. Some can't even afford to feed their children much less wear fancy hairdoos and nails and if they go to FSN, the first thing you will do is laugh. Bunch of hipocrites.
  • Independent Woman (16/01/2017, 10:31) Like (0) Dislike (3) Reply
    i thought woman independent now, they sure act so
  • Don't think much. (16/01/2017, 14:20) Like (1) Dislike (1) Reply
    This woman knows nothing about life. Has no first had experience...She runs a department on hear say and complaints... For me she has no credibility..Ms Simmons tell us of your personal life experience?.
  • ki (16/01/2017, 15:12) Like (1) Dislike (1) Reply
    At the end of the day all these commenters need to realize that the child is with the mother majority and even all the time. People are to selfish that child did not ask to be here. After both parties had there fun and a child comes into the picture you want to run now there is a responsibility to uphold. So the child must starve just because a man or woman wants to be selfish. Most of you seem to think that children are toys. They have to be feed clean provided a shelter and emotional support. Why is it so hard for a man to assist the mother of his child in making sure your child has what they need to survive in this world. I really don't understand other than selfish ways. There are a few women who are on this path and I would say shame on them but the majority is men. My solution is to deduct there paychecks directly to the mother/father accounts how ever it is decided because a child should not go without their basic needs just because a parent does not want to take care of there responsibility.(should have thought about it while you was all up in it.)
  • paul (17/01/2017, 00:09) Like (1) Dislike (0) Reply
    To agree and to disagree .Both men and ladies are almost alike.Now aday these ladies cause men to treat them this way. For me home us where the heart is.so for me as a man my children comes first .like i will say this when i look at these ladies go to do hair ever week with money for their children abd cry tht they need money for food it hurt me .cause by de end of the week the 300hundred dollars hair do have to do again .wat must i say or do give money again and my children hungry no way .they need to stop think and take care of their childen first
  • believe (17/01/2017, 15:35) Like (4) Dislike (0) Reply
    I'm in a similar situation where the (father) of my child don't give me any thing for my child all he pays is the school fee every other month. He don't say anything to me i don't to him. he blames every thing on his sickness. i went through the politics of taken him to court and it was so long and drawn out i just drop it (3 plus years to be exact) still nothing. Ladies / Gentlemen if you believe in God know that there is a father up about that sees and knows it all eveything is for a season and know that God is not going to give nothing that you can't handle. The system here in the BVI is a joke.. Get down on your knees and see what god can do for you. Trust in him and all things will be added unto you. Remember God is a God of all not some.. Many i of us don't believe the child will grow up and usually is the child that will taken care of the same dead beat parent.. Always remember the stone that the builder refuse will become the head corner stone. Just trust and have faith.


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