Death of a parent is easier than divorce for some children- Sylvia Adams
Mrs Sylvia “Teacher Sylvie” Adams who has been both a Lay Preacher and Teacher for many years, was the 5th guest of Karia J. Christopher’s talk show Real Talk -Virgin Islands 10 most Influential and Inspiring women for 2016 aired on CBN Channel 51 on January 17, 2017.
Mrs Adams was responding to a question posed by Mrs Christopher about just what is the recipe for her long-standing marriage and her thoughts on the high divorce rates in the territory.
Pray for each other
“It makes me very, very sad, because of young people especially, they are full of hope when they get married, and then marriages do not last,” she said. “But I find that recipe: My husband and I every morning, we pray together; we pray one for another. So pray together, the couple that prays together, stays together. And then the bible says do not let the sun go down on your wrath; if you and your husband have a disagreement, do not go to bed angry.”
Mrs Christopher questioned whether a couple who are in an unhappy marriage should remain together.
“I believe if you are unhappy, especially if you have a young family, it spreads to the children and then you make everybody unhappy. So do you believe you should stay and pray for five more years and to see if it work? Than leave and then you become good friends, not married?
Teacher Sylvie said she believes that if you are praying together, God will fix it. That God will help you, she argued, saying that she believes marriages can grow cold.
Revisit the scenes of the crime
“I believe you grow apart but if you work with counselors, prayer and so on they have ways to help you fix it. If you purpose in your heart that you want to be together when you find yourself drifting apart go back to where you first begun. Revisit the scenes of the crimes so to speak and walk through it and pray about it. It is so easy to walk away, and when you walk away the relationship is broken, the children are the pieces. And then they blame themselves,” she stated.
Death easier than divorce
According to Mrs Adams, she had the occasion to speak to a young man recently and his parents are not married and it is his heart’s desire for his mother and his father to get-together and to get married.
“He has high hopes, they are longing for this togetherness. So if you are married and you are struggling, fight for the marriage, think about when you began, think about the children and the pain. For them, if the parent dies, it is easier for them than divorce. If the parents are dead they are not there anymore, but if the parents are divorced, and they seeing daddy or mommy with somebody else, that is so painful for them!”
Mrs Christopher then asked when does the parents get to be happy, saying that what she understood from Mrs Adams is to sacrifice happiness for the children but that makes one a sulky parent.
“I believe you are struggling in a marriage, trying to make it work, you are unhappy, he is unhappy, we are in this bed, his head is down, your head is up, we don’t communicate but we are doing this because we have children?”
In response, Mrs Adams said all struggling marriages should seek help and counseling.
But Mrs Christopher pointed out that men don’t like going to counseling and while she believes in the union being forever, there are certain circumstances and situations where the marriage is so volatile it doesn’t make any sense to stay together.
The solution, Mrs Adams proposed, was this: “you can agree to separate for a while but don’t divorce and try to work through it.”
The next episode of Real Talk is expected to be aired today Tuesday, January 24, 2017 from 7:00 P.M. and will be rebroadcast on Thursday.
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22 Responses to “Death of a parent is easier than divorce for some children- Sylvia Adams”
Thank you, Minister Adams. God bless you and yours.
My parents divorced when I was young and while it was not something I preferred, both parents committed to playing a role in raising me...I never acted out or anything in any major way. Afterwards, my mother died and I have to say the death of a parent does not come close to the emotions or damage done after she left. Rather that looking at divorce itself as the culprit, I would examine the way children are handled after the fact as the real problem...